Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
