It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
It's not like I'm never gonna put out again. I'm a sure thing. I promise.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
I'm covered in jizz and the toll booth lady knew it
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
Randomize
