When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
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