I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
I'm more impressed with the spaghetti smoothie at the present moment.
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I'm going through a really dark time right now
I don't want to hear it man. I just jerked it to a pic of my ex wife in a bikini. Buck up
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
Randomize
