We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
its likemy ribs anf my hesrt aew cuddlingn
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
Weirdest sensation ever: having your penis fall asleep. It was like tiny hulk hogan was choking it out
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Randomize
