found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I wonder sometimes what your vagina thinks about you.
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
we've called him dos banos ever since he threw up in 2 separate bathrooms with the same puke
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
