I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
Why is it that you only get to have sex when you haven't shaved your legs in six weeks and are wearing period stained granny panties?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
Fun FACT Saturday: Semen is great for my acid reflux
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
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