Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
Well... This is my last night at the resort. So far, the only thing that has been in my vagina is sand.
He asked if I was a pirate because my "arrrrrrrrse" was worth burying. 10/10 for effort, 20/10 for serial killer vibes.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
