I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
Amazon is not showing any promising results for penis tree toppers and I am genuinely surprised. Clearly this is a market that needs to be addressed.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Randomize
