Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
the liver wants what the liver wants
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Just got the test results back; apparently I'm red-green colorblind. this explains the past 18 years of my life and i'm wondering why i didn't realize this sooner
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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