The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
good penises are hard to come by.... must be the economy...
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
how convenient is it that the kid i'm fucking lives right next to planned parenthood?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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