Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
I hope to God it's not the new neighbors having sex, because what I'm hearing sounds like a mildly defective vuvuzela or a cow giving birth.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
We left an ass print on the conference room table, but I don’t think anyone caught on
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