i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We need to rekindle our bromance
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
if anyone knows where my shirt is please let me know and if you know why I don't have my own shirt please also let me know. also do any of you know why I'm missing a bra wire?
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
