Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
I wonder why dictionaries dont have indexes to help find the words easier.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
