They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Well obviously when I get drunk my intelligence level surpasses yours and that's why you can't understand me.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
