I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You can't use the, "think about your future" line when trying to convince me to save some weed for tomorrow.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
