I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
everything is bigger in texas. Including my drinking problem.
we sang "a whole new world" together. either he's my gay best friend or the love of my life.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Febreezed myself at a stop light on the way to the IRS office. Judgmental glare from some old lady in the car next to me, thumbs up from her husband.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
My roommate just caught me cleaning a tostitos queso jar with my hand and eating it. He didn't judge. Bonding moment.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
Randomize
