covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I just had to tell her that no she really doesnt need to sneak pizza from mcmurrays out in a plastic bag for me later
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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