Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
For her birthday she wants to, " try something different with our butts a funnel and a bottle of whiskey"
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
