you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
Randomize
