the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
I would offer you moral support, but I have questionable morals..
Randomize
