Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
Randomize
