I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
She thinks I should try and corrupt him and take his virginity. While I do love virgins, I'm a little too lazy to put in the corruption effort right now. That's a summer kinda job.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
Randomize
