He was sitting cross legged outside his tent repeatedly hitting the ground with a hammer and shouting 'this.is.a.good.idea.'
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
well i don't NEED my liver but it's nice to have one when you're trying to have a good time
No dude. I can't think of anything LESS sexy than yodeling
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
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