Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
Its about making memories worth repressing
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
incase your class ends early, there are three naked guys in our room. but don't get too excited, they're all gay.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
