I'd wear matching sweaters with you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
We're discussing which museums we should go to when we shroom. How ill would Picasso be?
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
Just left the ER. Only good thing... my hot ass nurse Carlos stripped me.
God works in mysterious ways.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
