you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Yeah go get her. And don't bring her clothes I want her to walk back in her Christmas stocking dress. Take pictures.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Also, my phone suggested the phrase “puke in the mailbox" how many times have I had the need to text that to people?
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
