his text ended with ... everyone knows dot dot dot equals infer sexy time
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
I was high fiving everyone. I even high fived with the wall for doing such a good job suporting the ceiling and keeping us alive.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
Randomize
