Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
