we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
My absolute favorite part of last night was after I puked in the ally, we rounded the corner and you screamed, "she's ok!" and everyone cheered
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
Dont... please don't. Don't fuck him on his bean bag bed
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Three cheers for handling my crush on my boss in an entirely reasonable manner, by having a threesome with my coworkers.
Randomize
