Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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