Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Turns out the creepy dude who bought us tequila shots was the friend of a friend who then got us a table and several large bottles of champagne.
Never judge a man by his mustache.
Moral of the story: I had sex to Back to the Future last night.
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I threw up in the middle of a bar last night and still managed to get laid! Happy thanksgiving!
Randomize
