I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Either I'm getting old or the shit show is playing earlier than it used to...
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
