oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
she smelled like a LAN party
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
He keeps bees of course he's weird
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
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