Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Cats found the secret coke stash again
They owe us $80.
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
But wait then while giving his drive thru order he goes in mid sentence, "Hey baby it's Travis remember me?"
On a scale from 1 to banned, how offensive do you think it would be to wish my vibrator happy Valentine's Day on various social media outlets?
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
