you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
First highlight of the semester: campus safety caught me peeing in the dirt parking lot by kappa. Then as they were about to write me up, they recognized me, laughed, and left.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
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