I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
Medical school killed my enjoyment of porn. Hard to keep a boner when you're diagnosing all the actor's STDs and skin disorders.
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
Randomize
