He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
We're starting "No Hesitation Fridays." The probability of this going horribly are between 100 to 125 percent
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
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