I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
The cure for a hangover evidently is not walking around in a costume in the sun towards of park of screaming children
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