She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
know what the best part about malls are? standing on the upper level and boob gazing
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
Me and two guys that I made Eskimo bros all soberly slept together in my bed
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
No pussy. I don't care what time of year it is you do not look tough wearing sandals. Honestly you look like a high school guidance counselor.
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