this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
Is there a special protocol when the stripper has a Boba Fett tattoo?
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
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