Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize
