I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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