I have carpet burn on my ass, I'm rethinking my decisions last night.
I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
He told everyone he was going inside...an hour later we get a knock on the garage door from some dude telling us a guy is passed out on the lawn and we should get him inside because it's about to rain
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
I can't remember where my feet are. All I can see are colors, and all I can feel is terror. The lollipop was a bad idea.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Randomize
