bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I've had to do a couple req orders today and I would like to submit to you an order form to requisition DAT ASS
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
lol show me an arrest record and I'll drop my panties
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
I swear to god, if you ever yell my name during sex with my sister again..your balls will be stapled to your nipples.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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