Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
just brushed my teeth with a bottle of jack. ew. not all it's hyped up to be.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
If you can throw 105 mph it’s mandatory that you’re hung.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Randomize
