They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I slept with an Israeli and a Palestinian in the same day. It feels wrong.
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
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