I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Just had a VERY VIVID visualization of wrapping a pizza around my cock and fucking its brains out. Soooooo less weed more dates?
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
Before you started puking your brains out, you took a moment to give me the correct order of the Harry potter series
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
Randomize
