we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
You started pulling out condoms from your fanny pack and threw them at all the couples on the beach
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
