Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I cleared a drunken path to my bed for you. If you hit clothes you've gone too far.
Change of plans. Theres a bouncy castle setup in my apartment complex.
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Randomize
