I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
For some reason i am carrying prostate cancer brochures. i am nor used to drinking this early.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
He brought wine and beer. I'll put my pants on for wine and beer.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
Randomize
