That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
Yessssss I diiiiid! I enjoyed 38% of it. There are 4 qualifications and 2 were good. 1. There is a penis in my vagina (Pass) 2. It's a big penis (Fail) 3. The sex is long and exciting and makes me sweat and have 6 pack abs (fail) 4. I got off (uhhh potential to pass...)
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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