He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Why was I drunk tweeting incorrect Beyonce lyrics last night?
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
I was gonna respond but i couldnt figure out a way to rearrange 'fuck his brains out' to sound grammatically correct
I would fuck him just for his dog
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
