he keeps commenting everything on my facebook. it's like he's virtually peeing on me
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
Not a chance. She stuck her hand under my kilt and she told the whole table I was indeed commando. She broke all the rules.
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
last thing I remember is yelling 'sit on my face' through a traffic cone
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
