his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
I have aggressive nipples.
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
Randomize
