Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
Did I miss anything?
A gay irish pirate, a caveman and hunter s tompson.
so we also did drugs
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Sometimes I hate my life and then I remember I live in the WORLD CAPITAL OF RUM
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He told me to tell my ass that he loved and missed it, and even though he hasn't known it long, it might be the one for him
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
Randomize
