3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
Ok get your liver ready for the weekend. Harry Potter Drinking Game Marathon is a go. BYO liquor of choice, rule cards at the door. I wanna see some Hagrid level drinking out of you, Muggle.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
