I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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