I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
In my defense, there are at least three ways to die doing that, and I'm still here. America, Fuck Yeah!
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
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