and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I think that last shot was nyquil. Please come gte me. WINGS.
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
I have way too big of a thanksgiving food baby to enjoy any of my old high school booty calls
Hooker in the library. I repeat, we have a hooker in the library. This is not a drill.
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
