Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
it glows. i had to have it.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
